If you do everything or most of the things mentioned here and do not fall asleep within 20 to 25 minutes

 

If you do everything or most of the things mentioned here and do not fall asleep within 20 to 25 minutes, get up and do something relaxing for 30 to 45 minutes and then try again. If you wake up in the night and do not fall back to sleep within 20 to 25 minutes, get up and do something relaxing for 30 to 45 minutes.  (You may want to go into another room and read a printed book.)

If you do everything or most of the things mentioned here and do not fall asleep within 20 to 25 minutes, you have a few options, but really only two good ones.

You could lie in bed and further convince your old/mid brain that bed REALLY ISNT for sleep.  That is one of the bad ideas.

You could also get up and watch TV or play video games, perhaps something very stimulating… that is another one of the really bad ideas.

You could also get up and do something relaxing, such as read a paper book, work on a paper crossword puzzle, work on a jigsaw puzzle for 30 to 45 minutes, then try going to bed again.  As you probably guessed, it is best to do this in another room, not your bedroom, if possible.

Another option would be to get up and do some light housework for about the same amount of time, or if it’s safe, take a stroll around the neighborhood, take the dog if you have one.  (Do only if absolutely and completely safe.)

Once you have done another activity, go to bed again.  NOW and this is very important and as you may have seen in the videos, even though you missed some sleep, you need to get up at your regular time and not sleep in.  Remember, you are establishing your rhythm, your internal clock and it/you will do much better with consistence, as will your child.

Now, this becomes much more tricky and sometimes problematic when its your child or a child you are caring for.  You do not want to reinforce their not going to sleep by providing a fun activity or something they would rather do than go to sleep.  I remember decades ago when I was single, I watched three kids of some friends.  They wanted me to read stories and kept insisting they could not get to sleep.  I found out later, as they told their mom, that it was absolutely everything they could do to stay awake and keep me reading.  Lesson learned… for me. 😊

Remember, for the child… and you too, get exercise earlier in the day, prior to the 90-minute pre-bed/pre-sleep routine.  An exhausted child, who has met food security earlier in the day by getting all the required nutrients for the day, will fall asleep faster and easier at the end of the relaxation routine.

You have two options for the next page, one option will take you to a discussion of sleep for children with autism, and many other disabilities, and much of the information will be practical for children in general.  This page will then have a link to physician consultation.

Click here for the children specific page.  Sleep and children with ASD

Click here to go directly to the physician consultation page.

Do Not ruminate over issues that cause you stress right before or at bedtime

 

Do Not ruminate over issues that cause you stress right before or at bedtime. Think about something pleasant. If you cannot do this on your own, listen to some pleasant music or watch some good positive comedy (but not in the bedroom).  It is ok to listen to relaxing music while in bed but do not watch television.  Don’t even have a TV in the bedroom.  If you are ruminating about something that needs to be resolved or discussed, and if it is possible to do so, talk it out peacefully well before going to bed.  Bedtime is not a time to hash our problems, unless it is ABSOLUTELY necessary to get something resolved.

If you tend to ruminate at bedtime and are not able to resolve the problem, try listening to a book/story (but not watch).  This should be something enjoyable but not anxiety provoking.

Of course, it would be best to not ruminate at all, but some of us tend to worry and at times, there is much to worry about.

Please click here to continue the series:  If you do everything or most of the things mentioned here and do not fall asleep within 20 to 25 minutes...

If you tend to get into arguments before bed (or anytime really), you might consider reading and putting into practice, Crucial Conversations by VitalSmarts.

Eliminate light, and distracting noise as much as possible while sleeping.

 

Eliminate light, and distracting noise as much as possible while sleeping. Sometimes quiet relaxing music or relaxing nature sounds can be helpful.  Sometimes a comforting sound from the past can also be helpful.  I find the light sound of a distant train very relaxing.  If you enjoy it, baroque music is very conducive to a good night’s sleep.  The sound of rain or a brook can be helpful for some.  Use specific sounds or music associated with sleep only for when you, or the child, are falling asleep.  I sometimes use some very nice relaxing cello music.  (Remember, you are setting up cues to associate with falling asleep.)

During the ultradian cycle prior to sleep (90 minutes) lower lights.  If you are reading during this time, use an old-fashioned book, not a smart-phone, tablet, or computer.  There are specific problems with lights from many of these, but regardless, use less light during this time.  Of course, you need some directed light to read a book to yourself or to a child.  If possible, use a directed light on the book that decreases the general light in the room.

I understand some children want and even need a night light for various reasons.  Try slowly reducing the amount of light over time and if there is a post traumatic or high anxiety reason for the need, have it addressed professionally with a qualified therapist.

Bottom line- as little light and if a light is required, as soft as possible.

Click here to continue the series: Do Not ruminate over issues that cause you stress right before or at bedtime. (to be continued)

This next video has some great information... but PLEASE, DO NOT text in bed.  Do not take your phone to bed.  If there is an emergency and you need to be on the phone, get up and get out of the bedroom! Don't confuse the cues associated with sleep.

Make sure to get good exposure to natural light

 

Make sure to get good exposure to natural light. People, who do not get outside often, are helped by getting the sunlight through the window. Natural light helps to maintain a healthy sleep cycle.  The natural circadian rhythm can provide powerful sleep cues.  While as you have seen in previous videos, it is possible to have a fairly consistent and healthy sleep wake cycle in the dark, and it is possible for people who are blind, it is more difficult.  Natural light provides powerful natural cues.  For someone who is homebound, this is especially important in the morning, but important throughout the day.

If possible, get some good light outside in the morning and early afternoon.  For children, get them active outside if at all possible, in the morning and early afternoon.  Be an advocate of outside active recess for children during school.  Encourage healthy outside activity/exercise in the afternoon.

Please click here to continue the series: Eliminate light, and distracting noise as much as possible while sleeping.

Do Not eat a large meal within 3-4 hours of going to bed

 

 

Do Not eat a large meal within 3-4 hours of going to bed. Light snack, right before bed, i.e.., warm skim milk, banana, white cheese, very small amount of walnuts, very small amount of tart cherries, may be helpful for some. Avoid spicy food right before bed and possibly discontinue altogether if it causes you an upset stomach.  If you are a food addict or binge eater, avoid eating in the evening.  The biggest meal of the day should be breakfast, next choice is lunch.  Avoid big meals for dinner.  Avoid high fat foods in the evening or even afternoon if possible.  I mention skim milk and white cheese above because they are lower in fat.  If you watched the previous videos, you would understand that fat before bed can cause sleep disruption.  There are some herbal, non-caffeinated teas, that may also be helpful in small amounts.  These will be mentioned further in subsequent readings.

I am a food addict and binge eater.  I have diabetes though it is totally controlled by diet and exercise.  It took me about two years to make the adjustment, but typically my only meal is breakfast.  I am over 60 and have loads of energy and am able to stay productive.

I also want to mention that the right amounts of healthy fats are absolutely essential for health, just mostly avoid them prior to bed.  There are some indications that walnuts may help with sleep, they are high in fat, and should be used, if helpful in only very small amounts, such as 1/8 of a cup.

As much as possible, avoid drinking or eating within an hour of bed.

Click here to continue the series: Make sure to get good exposure to natural light

My weight loss and beating a food addiction:

My Weight Loss: The "not so" Incredible Shrinking Man

Beating a Food Addiction | CR Pete Petersen | TEDxUIdaho

Create a relaxing bedtime routine and stick with it.

Create a relaxing bedtime routine and stick with it. This can last from 30 minutes to an hour and a half. It can include stretching, yoga, a warm bath, deep breathing, blowing big bubbles, and reading (not in the bedroom). Avoid stressful activities and conversations right before going to bed or in bed.  (It is perfectly fine for you to read a bedtime story to a child who is in bed.)

Remember ultradian rhythms? 

Ultradian rhythms are approximately 90 minutes.  They are important for sleep and prior to sleep.  As much as possible, use one ultradian rhythm to relax and prepare for sleep.  So, while aerobic exercise (walking, running, swimming or other constant exercises) is extremely important for health, keep them one ultradian rhythm or more prior to sleep.  You can use the beginning of this cycle for “winding down” exercises, such as yoga or tai chi, but I recommend those for the beginning of the cycle, between 90 and 60 minutes prior to sleep.  60 to 30 minutes prior to sleep may include the warm bath or shower, some light stretch, and with children, blowing big bubbles.  I love blowing big bubbles for relaxation with children because big bubbles require deep breathing, which help us relax.  It can also be a fun activity.

Typically, you do not want to eat within this cycle, but as will be mentioned later, some herbal teas, water, warm skim milk, and some specific foods in small amounts can be consumed between 90 and 60 minutes prior to bed.

Getting ready for bed, pajamas, etc., can also be done during this time period.  Now, I don’t want people to stress because they are trying to get this exactly right.  Try to be consistent and do it about the right time.  The last 30 minutes are a great time for reading a paper book, and if to a child, while the child is now in bed, listening to relaxing music such as at the beginning of this series, deep breathing, and for you, a very specific type of stretch/exercise as I’ll explain shortly and as was also presented at the beginning.

Also, for you, or for your child, you may not need to do all of these things, do that which helps.  Follow more tips if needed.

Maintain these 90 minutes of relaxation throughout the home.  If you are stressed, the child will pick up on the stress.  Avoid stressful subjects, arguments, scary movies, and fighting, especially during this time.

I am a big proponent of safe “roughhousing.”  This can be a great bonding activity for many and has a lot of physical and mental health benefits… but please keep this to prior to this 90 minute relaxation time.  

Please click here to continue the series:  Do Not eat a large meal within 3-4 hours of going to bed

Keep up a good exercise routine (include something aerobic such as a good walk), but not within two hours of bedtime.

 

Keep up a good exercise routine (include something aerobic such as a good walk), but not within two hours of bedtime. Stretching, yoga, and deep breathing, can be helpful before bed.  You or your child can do deep breathing in bed and some very specific stretches, but most of these should be done out of bed and if possible, out of the bedroom.

My personal experience has been that exhausted kids, as long as they have a good relaxation routine, fall asleep faster and stay asleep better.

 

The next segment will talk more about routines.  Routines are so important because of the powerful cues, habits, and responses associated with those routines.

Click here to continue the series: Create a relaxing bedtime routine and stick with it.